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Circus Confessions: What Mommy did…

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I may have hidden some of the chocolate the children got at their Christmas parties.  It may now be gone.  I also may have had more coffee.

Shhh….

It is also possible that I gave my one  year-old a vanilla cream cookie before lunch, as a result of her loudly expressing her displeasure that I was not able to make a sandwich and cut up oranges at the speed of light, and all with one arm (because she wanted to be in the other).  Additionally, it is also possible that the vanilla cream cookie is all she actually ate, as who wants peanut butter and jelly after you have eaten a vanilla cream cookie.  I may have had diced up peanut butter and jelly for my own lunch.

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Circus Break: Morning Coffee

Y’all know how I feel about my coffee.  And sometimes, just sometimes, I like to have a little snack with my mid-morning cup.  So I head to the pantry and take out some nice, organic wheat and cheddar crackers.  I pour them into small, snack sized bowls.  Then I hand them to the kids, dash back to the kitchen, and cut myself a nice slab of leftover birthday cake.  🙂 

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Virtually undetectable by those among us with short legs, when eaten at the breakfast bar. 

 

Happy Wednesday!

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How to Eat Sandwich Cream Cookies Without Your Children Knowing

Step 1:  Store cookies in a ziplock type freezer bag.  They do not make the tell tale crinkle noise when opening.

Step 2: Open pantry door only as wide as your body.  Retrieve a napkin and gently ease open the bag of cookies and retrieve desired number.  (This should be no more than you can conceal in one hand, if it becomes necessary to do so.)  If young voices questions what you are doing in the pantry, call out “getting a napkin.”  This is not a lie.  You are actually getting a napkin.

Step 3) If line of sight is clear, move quickly to the breakfast bar and place the napkin on the bar top.  If children enter during this process, curl fingers around cookies and use body to covertly shield your hand.

Step 4) Place cookies on napkin, in center of breakfast bar. Do NOT stack cookies.  This makes them taller and easier for young ones with short legs to see from a distance.  Spread out flat they are nearly invisible to a child shorter than the breakfast bar.  I can’t help you if your children are already too tall.  If you have a method, please share.  That day is coming faster than I would like.

5) Loosely cover cookies with available scrap paper, magazine or bill.  I prefer to use bills that have already been paid.  The ones yet to be paid are too depressing for cookie eating and will ruin the experience.

6) Pour desired beverage (coffee here).

7) If child asks what you are chewing, quickly take a sip of beverage (be careful if its hot).   “Just drinking my coffee….”

Enjoy.

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The Return of the Coffee

Are you sick of hearing about my coffee yet?

After several days of boiling water and coffee grounds in an attempt to make some semblance of coffee without a coffee pot, the coffee hiatus has come to an end.  Waiting on my porch this afternoon was a large box containing a piece of technology that stands out all fancy-like in this house.  (We got a fabulous deal on an open box one from Amazon Warehouse, 1/3 of the price of a “new” one.  Though this was brand new, just had been returned and had been retaped.)  It grinds, it heats, it brews.  I can tell it how long to grind the beans, how fine, how long to let it brew.  Most wonderfully of all, its automatic goodness ensures when I descend the stairs with two kids needing diaper changes, one demanding juice, and most assuredly someone whining about something (tags on a shirt, someone looked at him, its Tuesday, can’t have ice cream for breakfast, wants to talk to Daddy on the phone, doesn’t want to talk to Daddy on the phone…) no matter what, there will be hot, delicious, rich, nutty goodness waiting patiently to be poured into my “Mom” mug.  (Which reads “Sleep deprived Mom, Beware.”  Ok, I added the “Beware,” but it should be there.)

And so this evening I had to try it out, big mistake.  The coffee is delicious, but there’s a major downside.  Its 11:00pm and now, thanks to the coffee, I can’t sleep.  Oh well, it was worth it, and at least there will be coffee in the morning!  Better look into some decaf beans….do they make those?

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Back to the Coffee (at the Circus)

I got a wake up call this morning.  No, literally.  Mr. Ringmaster leaves for work really early so he can get some paid overtime hours in and still come home for dinner.  So he calls to wake me up at 6am.  This morning he called at 5:50 which was sad enough, losing 10 minutes of precious sleep, but then he said “I’ve got some bad news.” This was followed by the most regrettable words an otherwise happy but sleep deprived mama will hear first thing in the morning, “The coffee pot is broken.”

Sadness.

But, Circus Boy #3 had come running in and hopped up on my bed for a snuggle, so I wasn’t too devastated.  That is, until I got downstairs and the hard reality of a cold and empty coffee pot was there to greet me. I tried explaining to the ever energetic boys that the coffee pot was broken and they were going to have talk a little slower and stop moving quite so much, but that was met with the deer in a headlight look, a screech and a bolt.  Clearly they were not going to be understanding.

There was much to do right away as the speech therapist was coming first thing, so I turned to facebook.  Once there, my dear friends provided me with a list of ways to make coffee without a coffee pot.  I used the “filter into a tea bag” method, putting coffee in a filter, tying it, and steeping in hot water for awhile.  It was coffee.  Not the best, but still, pretty good.

Mr. Ringmaster also researched and e-mailed me two ways to make coffee on the stove.  I think he was afraid the children would not be changed or fed if I did not get a cup.  Which is really funny because most of the time I drink 50/50 or decaf.  Clearly its a mental thing.  But I do love my coffee.  And I am a creature of habit.  Lack of routine makes me uneasy.

Anyway, the day was saved. The children did eat, got dressed, even brushed their teeth, the dishwasher got unloaded, and laundry started.  The speech therapy paperwork was completed, and the therapy commenced on schedule with an uncooperative two year-old. (Can’t win them all.) And now I’m enjoying a rare moment watching the children play together, without fighting and without me playing referee.

Sometimes even the ringmaster gets a coffee break.

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I’ve got it figured out!

Coffee!  This rather rough day began the same way any other day begins, except for one thing.  Mr. Ringmaster left for work without making the coffee. 

I was awoken at 5:50am (yes, Mr. Ringmaster had already let for work, love that over time….Bob) by a crying baby and a 3 1/2 year-old who marched into my room and loudly announced he had to go potty.  “Shh, Shh!”  I hushed, “don’t wake up your brothers”.  The only thing worse than handling two kids before you even get to brush your teeth, is handling 4! 

Potty was achieved, the baby’s diaper was changed and we descended the stairs.  At least there was that piping hot wonderful brew waiting for me.  Or was there?  I settled Circus Boy #2 in front of the tv (it was early, give me a break), which is when I discovered the remote was not working.  That’s ok, I can put on a DVD.  That achieved, I rounded the corner, deceased battery remote in hand only to see the coffee pot.  Its sleepy pale green back-lit display was the only light emitting from its face.  The small red light of brewed roasted goodness remained unlit.  So I made the coffee.  And then I waited 10 whole minutes for that delicious sip.  Of course as soon as I had that first sip my attention was demanded elsewhere and the rest of the cup got cold, but we all know how easily that happens.

Thank you Mr. Ringmaster for making me coffee every morning.  I don’t think I can handle too many days like this.  🙂

 

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Circus Beverage of Choice: Coffee

I admit I’m a bit high maintenance when it comes to certain things. I like my pancakes cooked so that they stay soft, and eaten warm enough to melt the butter. I like to go to the bathroom without company. I like to spend a few minutes reading before I go to bed. I like to eat lunch on a regular basis. And most of all, I like my coffee hot. I don’t mean mostly hot, luke warm, or anything else. I like to drink it HOT. No sugar, no cream. Pour it out of that pot into the mug and drink it. I like to drink it while checking e-mail and facebook, preferably with breakfast.

I go to great lengths to enjoy that piping hot cup every morning. First, the big boys must eat breakfast, and get dressed. Then, Mr. Ringmaster and the the two oldest boys must exit the premises for work and pre-school, respectively. As the coffee aroma fills the kitchen, the little princess must finishing nursing and then be deposited under her kick gym for some independent play time. However, such play time will only last about 20 minutes. So to maximize the coffee drinking allotted time, her brother must already be engrossed in the morning’s Blues Clues coffee drinking diversion episode. So prior to, or during, nursing, he must be cleaned of all breakfast food (ever seen Taz eat?), diaper checked, dressed, laundry collected and favorite mickey mouse located. Navigate Amazon prime to desired episode. Pour my bowl of cereal, but not the milk until I’m actually ready to sit down. (You never know, it could be awhile). Set out the computer on the breakfast bar. If all has been done correctly, at this point the baby has finished nursing, is ready for a quick diaper change and some play time. Dart to the coffee pot, pour that piping hot cup of half caffeinated goodness. Add the milk to the waiting cereal and presto, breakfast and hot coffee. Unless of course the baby spits up and needs the clothes she’s worn all of 5 minutes changed. Her brother fills up his diaper as soon as my rear hits the breakfast bar stool or needs his car container opened and lego cars reassembled.  I realize I forgot to take my allergy medicine, need to add item x to the grocery list, or need to write that check and get it out to the mailbox.   By which time Blues Clues is over, and the kick gym has lost its magic.

Alas, my elaborate scheme fails.  I usually drink my coffee in some state of warmness. I could microwave it, but by the time I put it in and hit the 30 second button, there would be some other circus catastrophe to attend.  The 30 seconds would elapse and the microwave would commence it’s helpful beeping.  Reminding me that while I’m busy with that diaper or the thrilling game of 52 card pick-up because someone left the cupboard open (or puzzle pieces, or crayons…its always the small things in great quantity), my coffee remains in the cup, growing colder by the second.  I think it is a mom fact, no matter how long you wait to pour that cup of coffee, its almost always cold before you get to it. (I say “almost” because on the weekends, Mr. Ringmaster takes over and lets me drink at least a half cup hot. 🙂 ) How many times have you heated up the same cup of coffee before you got to drink it?  I think my record is 4.